


Doing Better

by still_lycoris



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Bad Parenting, Family, Gen, Post-Canon, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-10-03 19:10:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17289749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/still_lycoris/pseuds/still_lycoris
Summary: It's been a long time since Rester's seen his kids. He wants to change that.





	Doing Better

**Author's Note:**

> Written for 12dayschristmas

Rester called his ex-wife from down the road.

He almost didn’t want to. He was afraid that she might not let him in. But he wanted to do things right – or better than he had before, at any rate.

“Hello?”

“It’s ... it’s Anthony.”

Using his real name again was almost disturbing. It wasn’t that he’d forgotten who he was or anything like that but when he’d been training himself to make sure he always answered to _Rester_ , he’d put Anthony Carter away, reminded himself that it would be dangerous to answer to that name. He almost didn’t feel ready to bring the name back out of the box. Not ready to chose to be himself again.

“Oh,” Cassie said, obviously trying to sound neutral. “Hello.”

“I’m back,” he said. “I’m ... can I come and see the kids?”

“When?”

This was her being careful, he knew. She didn’t know where he was. She was afraid that he would make a promise, then break it because he was “busy” or “something unexpected had come up.” It had happened before. More than once. He’d taken his career seriously. Maybe too seriously.

“I’m ... I’m down the road, actually. Could ... could I ... is it convenient?”

There was a long pause. He didn’t blame her for it but his hands were sweating. He wasn’t sure if he should beg or not. He hadn’t been a brilliant husband or father and he knew it. He knew that he probably didn’t deserve kindness. Maybe this burst of guilt now was inspired by the horror of seeing someone die, a kid who should have had the world at his feet and instead had turned to murder and destruction. Listening to the Taskforce talking after, Matsuda-san saying over and over what a good man his father had been, how hard he’d worked for justice. Rester had heard it all and he’d found himself wondering if perhaps Light Yagami would have been better if his father had come home once in a while.

And then he’d thought about his own kids and felt like shit.

“You’d better come then,” Cassie said abruptly. “Give me five minutes to prep them.”

“Thank you,” he said and he wasn’t sure he’d ever sounded so relieved in his life. Perhaps Cassie picked up on it because she said “See you soon.” and she sounded very slightly kinder now.

He sat in the car for a few minutes, then drove down to park. Cassie had indeed prepared them – he could see their faces in the window. Then they were gone and the front door was opening even before he’d finished getting out of the car.

“Daddy!”

They both jumped at him, even though he remembered Cassie telling him that James was getting to the stage where he thought himself too big a boy for cuddles. Rester hugged them both as tight as he could. They were bigger than when he’d last seen them.

“Mummy said you had to go away for work! Did you bring us presents?”

“I did. Special ones. Let me put you both down and I’ll give them to you, okay?”

He’d had to think quite hard about getting them anything. The Kira Case was top-secret and remained so. It was common knowledge that Kira had at least originated in Japan. For the Kira killings to stop and him to bring the children presents that came from Japan was perhaps a little risky. It was unlikely that anybody would care enough to investigate but it was a possibility. 

To his slight surprise, Near had told him to do it.

“As far as anybody knows, America pulled out of the Kira case,” he’d said, examining a small robot very carefully before placing it on the board in front of him. “Japan has a great many excellent toys. I believe your children will be pleased by them. Might I recommend a few stores that I have read about?”

It was one of the most human responses that he’d ever seen from Near, perhaps because it involved toys. And the toys he’d recommended were good ones (he was hardly surprised by that though.) Watching the children open the packages, squeal with delight over them, it was immensely satisfying.

Cassie did very well. She stood very quietly, smiling politely, made him tea, agreed with the children when they asked her if she thought the toys were good. She moved out of the room too to let him cuddle them alone, talk to them alone too. He appreciated that. 

He’d never deserved her.

He’d thought a lot on the plane back. A hell of a lot. Because he knew that before, when he’d been offered the choice between work and family, he’d picked work, every time. And he knew that he’d probably do it again, if he didn’t change something else. Maybe he still would. But when he’d admitted that he was freaked out by the choice, Near had offered him a compromise.

“Work for me. You’ll still have to leave them sometimes. It will be dangerous, perhaps more dangerous than regular FBI work. You may die and leave them and they may never know what happened to you. But when you are not working for me, you will have more time with them. You may think about it.”

He was still thinking about it. It was a big choice, a big change. 

He could only hope that he would make the right choice for everyone, not just himself.


End file.
